Here I’ve listed 50+ Dirty woodworking jokes that are hilariously funny.
Handyman and Wood Cutting Humor – Jokes Stories and Cartoons.
Some dirty woodworking jokes images.
#1
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#4
What a tagline… A perfect adult wood Humor.
#5
This joke relates the most, LOL a funny one on wood tools. You should share it with your friends.
#6
This joke requires a top level of woodworking humor… I think it’s for adults, right?
#7
This is how a team of woodworkers wood…
#8
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Dirty funny text jokes on wood.
These are some top dirty wood jokes in text.
#1
A carpenter and a professor run into each other-
Two old friends, a carpenter and a professor run into each other. They chit-chat a bit and they start to talk about work.
Professor: “So, what are you working with nowadays?”.
Carpenter: “I’m a carpenter. And you?”
Professor: “I’m a professor.
Carpenter: “In what field?”
Professor: “Logic.”
Carpenter: “Logic?”
Professor: “Yeah… Let me demonstrate for you. You have an aquarium at home, don’t you?”
Carpenter: “Yes?”
Professor: “And since you have an aquarium it’s pretty logical that you have fishes?”
Carpenter: “Yeah?”
Professor: “And if you have fishes I think it’s logical that you like animals.”
Carpenter: “Yes I do.”
Professor: “And since you like animals it’s only logical that you like humans, right?”
Carpenter: “I do, I do!”
Professor: “And when we talk about humans, it’s the female kind you really like, am I right?”
Carpenter: “Of course, hehe!”
Professor: “And that’s logic for you. Since you had an aquarium at home it’s only logical that you like females.”
Carpenter: “Ooooh! Now I see.”
They say farewell to each other and the carpenter meets up with another friend of his.
Carpenter: “You know, I just met an old friend. He’s a professor in logic!”
Friend: “Logic?”
Carpenter: “Yeah, let me demonstrate for you. Do you have an aquarium at home?”
Friend: “No?”
Carpenter: “What? Are you gay?!”
#2
Johnny has the day off from school and is bugging his mom
Johnny: Mom, I’m bored. I want to do something.
Mom: Look at those construction workers across the street, maybe you can learn something from them?
Johnny follows his mother’s advice and spends the whole day across the street. In time for dinner, he returns home.
Mom: So Johnny, what did you learn today?
Johnny: Well, first the mason comes and pours the slab, then the carpenter puts up the c======g frame, finally the interior guy shows up and finishes the g——n drywall.
Mom: JOHNNY! I’m going to whup your little butt. Go out back and fetch me a switch.
Johnny: F,,,k you, that’s the electrician’s job.
#3
Why did the carpenter’s wife leave him?
He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.
#4
A carpenter’s workshop’s light went out
To find his way around, he picked up his hammer and saw.
#5
The Carpenter on the third floor of a building site forgot to bring his saw up with him…
…he shouts down to the apprentice but the kid can’t hear him, so he does sign language.
He points to his eye “I”, his knee “need”, and then moves his hand back and forth in a saw motion.
The apprentice nods pull down his pants and start to dance.
The furious carpenter runs downstairs and says, “What the f—-k are you doing? I said I need my saw!”
“I know,” says the apprentice, “I was just letting you know I was coming.”
#6
Two carpenters are fixing a barn roof…
when the wind blows their ladder over. “Oh great,” says the first one, “How are we supposed to get down?”
“Well,” replies the second one, “I’ll go to this end and look for a way down, and you can go to the opposite end and search as well.”
“Ok,” replies the first carpenter as he goes to investigate his end of the barn.
He looks around but sees nothing close enough for him to climb on to get down from the roof.
As he’s searching, he sees the second carpenter walking past on the ground.
The first carpenter calls out, “Hey, how did you get down?”
The second carpenter looks up and says, “I jumped in a pile of manure on the other side. It’s ankle-deep!”
So the first carpenter hurries to the other side and jumps in the pile of manure and lands up to his neck in it.
He climbs out, disgusted, and catches up to the second carpenter asking, “Why did you tell me it was ankle-deep? I landed in a pile of manure up to my neck!”
The second carpenter blinks and says, “You didn’t dive in headfirst?”
#7
A woman decides to surprise her husband with a brand new luxury wardrobe…
While he’s at work she goes to IKEA and finds a beautiful wardrobe, buys it, and returns home.
Reading the instructions, she easily assembles the marvelous piece of furniture.
Then, as she stood satisfied about her work, a bus passed by the window and the whole wardrobe fell apart.
Stunned, the woman assembles the wardrobe again, making sure she follows the instructions exactly.
When she finishes everything looks perfect, but a few minutes later a bus passes, and again the wardrobe falls to pieces!
At this point, the woman has had enough and calls customer support to explain the wardrobe she bought collapsed whenever a bus passed.
The man on the other end insists that they provide any service necessary for the proper installation of their furniture, and sends over the very carpenter who designed the wardrobe to help.
The carpenter watches as the woman assembles, seemingly perfect, the wardrobe. And yet, as the next bus passes it falls to pieces again!
Determined to figure out the issue, the carpenter helps her rebuild the wardrobe and enters inside to see exactly what happens when a bus passes.
Suddenly the woman’s husband bursts through the front door, demanding to know why the neighbors had texted him saying a strange man had been in their house for hours.
Surging through the house he throws open doors until he comes across the new wardrobe.
He opens the wardrobe to reveal the carpenter inside, and demands to know what he was doing there. Shocked, the carpenter says:
“Would you believe me if I said I’m waiting for the bus?”
#8
A blonde girl manages to break her door and takes it to a carpenter to get it fixed.
Blende: Could you please take care of that for me?
Carpenter: Sure, but if you’re here, someone might rob you
Blanche: Oh but where would they go, I have the door!
#9
Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven when an old man approaches.
“Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?” Asks St Peter.
“To be honest.” replies the man, “I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great.
Although he wasn’t my biological son… his birth was miraculous, still I loved him very much. Later in life, he went through many trials and transformations.
He spread joy and his story is told all over the world even to this day.”
Jesus looks at the man, with a tear in his eye, and says “Father?”
The man looks back; “… Pinocchio?”
#10
A farmer calls a carpenter to fix his fence.
The carpenter asks what is the problem with the fence.
The man explains that the support columns are not strong enough and that his fence keeps falling over.
The carpenter asks “What are your support columns made of?”
The farmer replies “They are made out of cow manure.”
The carpenter is now upset. He says “COW MANURE!!! I can’t fix this, THIS CAN’T BE FIXED.”
“Well, why not?”
“BECAUSE THIS IS A SHITPOST”
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